Emotions

The emotions we have experienced during the last week are impossible to explain with words.  How does what's supposed to be the best day of your life turn so quickly into what has seriously felt like a bad dream?  How could this happen to our little girl?  Why does it happen to any innocent child at all?  Why, why, why?  I've bounced back and forth between two emotions for a week, intense anger and being completely broken-hearted.  Not broken-hearted for myself, but broken-hearted because of what this means for Evelyn.  You try not to jump to conclusions but then the voices start in your head.  Will she ever hear our voices, will she be able to walk, run & play, will she be able to get married and have a family over her own?   And even though you realize it doesn't do any good to ask these questions you really can't help yourself.  It's all part of the grieving process I guess, and grieve we have.

Friday and Saturday of last week were rock bottom for both of us.  Sunday got a little better after we met with an infectious disease doctor and came up with a treatment plan to try and combat this bullshit virus.  Our days and nights since Evelyn's birth have been spent mostly in the NICU wing of Fairview Hospital.  The doctors and nurses here are amazing people and the care and love they give their children is beyond humbling.  It feels good to be surrounded everyday by so many genuinely good people and it's helped us both slowly climb to a better place.

We have been overwhelmed by the love & support from our families and friends over the last week as well.  Overwhelmed by your kind words, phone calls, text messages, emails and gifts.  Truly humbling.  We sincerely apologize for not getting back to so many of you over the last week (I think Kristen has 30+ voicemails on her phone) but we just weren't ready for any of this and hope you all can understand.

I think it's fair to say that Kristen and I are both private people, at least in regards to our personal lives. So this blog is a little scary and unnatural for us but we think a lot of good can be done by writing it.  We understand there are a lot of rough and trying days ahead of us but we are going to focus on the good and amazing things our daughter WILL accomplish in her life.  20 years from now we will look back at what she's done and who she is, some people will be amazed, K & I won't be among them.  As Kristen said, this virus will not define Evelyn or our family.

It's our hope that you will all use this blog support Evelyn and keep up-to-date on her accomplishments.  She is an amazing girl and we can't wait to introduce her to all of you.

~John